I drank Caribbean suns on a boat in San Juan with a gap toothed smile I never loved.

I thought for half a moment.
I still couldn’t remember how I got there.

I tried to cover the scratches painted on my hips from growing too fast.
The cats put them there.
The smile man kissed them.

Play me.
Play me, Springtime.
It's been done before.

I knew my innocence was left at second base
When history’s ghosts came to remind me that I’ve only known addiction to people
And to quit when the alcohol starts to taste like water and bad decisions.

I could only taste his lips,
Which breathed for more.

He was the beautiful Caribbean man they all whispered about.

He was kind
And I was tipsy.

That night was as intoxicating
As the liquor coursing through our veins and
Whatever it was that made me forget his name thirty minutes before he kissed me.

He must have been born to please.
I wonder who makes people that way.

I took the early morning walk of shame.
He held my hand the whole way.

But the bed sheets wouldn't let me sleep.
Not even for the last hour.
They remembered the spiders I'd swallowed in all my lives.
I wish they'd forget.
I'm good at forgetting.
I've mastered denial.
I shouldn't be so proud.

It was one of those nights only escaping could cure.